I have felt so many emotions since becoming a mom 14 years ago this month. Joy, hope, sadness, pain, love, anger, adoration, pride, shock, awe. The list can go on and on. From the highest of highs to the lowest of lows.
My family, especially my kids, are what kept me holding on when I felt alone. There was no way I could ever leave them.
These past few months however, I have felt a new emotion and it’s one I don’t like so much. I’m pretty sure that as my kids get older, I’m going to have to get more used to it though.
Helpless.
When they’re little, it’s pretty easy to fix their problems, or find the right person who can; the right doctor, the right counselor, the right medicine, the right coach, but as they get older it gets increasingly difficult to fix their problems or even guide them to finding the solutions on their own.
I find myself in a health situation with my oldest child that I feel completely helpless in. She suffered a concussion on November 9th. That’s three months ago.
She hasn’t played soccer since then.
Most people who get concussions take a week or two to rest, get over it and get back to their regular lives. Not my kid though.
She’s been put on home instruction for school because she keeps getting headaches, has a hard time focusing and concentrating and basically was in pain while at school.
Most kids would probably prefer to be home and not go to school, not my kid. She likes going to school and learning. She doesn’t want to get behind. She wants to do well.
She also misses soccer. Sometimes I take her to practice so she can be with her friends and do a little conditioning, but she can’t really do much of anything else out there. No real soccer training, no ball touches, no contact.
The hardest part is the neurologist is unhelpful. She has no idea why my daughter is still suffering, she basically accused her of exaggerating the pain to get out of school at the last appointment we had with her (we are getting a new neurologist).
We have no answers. We have no timeline of healing. No expectation of when she can get back to school or soccer. No idea when she can go somewhere without worrying about the place giving her a headache from too much stimulation.
We did, finally, get an MRI done, which showed her brain is normal. Good news, but still leaves me helpless because we have no answers for why she still feels the way she does.
This feeling of helplessness is by far the absolute worst emotion I have experienced in parenthood and I want it to go away!
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