I often have my students use their critical thinking skills by answering what if questions.
What if the Britain had won the Revolutionary War?
What if John F. Kennedy hadn’t been assassinated?
What if the nuclear war hadn’t been used against Japan?
What if you were born into a family with billions of dollars?
What if you were born to a mom in prison?
What if you were a teen parent?
This type of questions get students out of thinking about what did happen and into thinking about other possibilities. It can open their minds to seeing other options so when they are faced with making decisions, they may be able to see multiple ways to handle the situation.
A few days ago, I played a dangerous game of “what if?” I asked myself the question, “What if my parents had taught me that it’s okay to say no.”
I learned from a very young age, that the answer to a request from my parents was always, “YES!” If we answered with a “no” there were consequences from being forced to do whatever it was through coercion or being yelled at and belittled. The consequences always involved feeling unloved.
As I grew up, I believed that if I loved someone, and they loved me, I wasn’t allowed to say no to them under any circumstance, no matter how uncomfortable I was with the situation.
What if my parents had taught me that it’s okay to say no?
Would I have been sexually abused and raped at fifteen years old by an eighteen year old student leader at church?
Would I have left someone who loved me and offered me a safe place because my mom refused to let me date him?
Would I have married someone who used me to cover up the fact that he liked boys and treated me more like a roommate than a wife?
I eventually had to stop the what if game, because it was leading me down a very deep, dark, rabbit hole, that left me curled in the fetal position in tears. I have a great life with two amazing kids, my own house, a decent job, but sometimes, the what if game gets the best of me.
Now I know that it IS okay to say no to people. It’s all about setting boundaries. If they love you, they will still love you, even if you have to say no every once in awhile.