Tag: hope

Mother’s Day and Mental Health

Mother’s Day for me isn’t about my mom. It’s about my kids and becoming a mom myself. It’s about remembering all the women in my life who were like a mom to me, who helped me when I needed it and who reminded me who I was and could be, not who I wasn’t. It’s about remembering that I’m a valuable, lovable, human being, not a worthless child who never measured up and would never be good enough.

Mother’s Day became a day for me to celebrate when I became a mom. Before that it was almost always hard. I was forced to honor a woman who gave birth to me, but gave me no value. If I chose not to honor her, I was reminded about how worthless I was and what a terrible daughter I was. Not just by her, but also by her voice that lived inside my mind.

My mom and the church I was raised in, taught me to “honor your father and mother, this is the first commandment with a promise.” Ephesians 6:2. The promise was that if I honored them, things would go well for me and I would live a long life. So if I didn’t honor her, I would have a tough life and die young. Oh yeah, and most likely end up in hell.

It took me having my own kids and getting help from a counselor for my mental health to realize that I didn’t have to keep a toxic person in my life, just because she was my mom (or dad). She passed away when my daughter was 6 months old, but her voice stayed in my mind for much longer, still telling me all the negative things she always said.

After my son was born, I realized that I needed to take care of my mental health so that I could raise my own kids in a healthy environment. I’ve read a meme that parents should want to raise their children so that they don’t need counseling when they grow up. I think that everyone should seek counseling at any time. I tell my kids that we should all have a counselor on speed dial.

Mental health is just as important as physical health. We should get a physical done once a year to make sure that our bodies are in peak condition, well I believe that we should also regularly check in with a counselor to make sure our mental health is also in peak condition. We don’t need to wait until we are in the throes of a mental health crisis to look for help.

Our society has a stigma against people who seek mental health help. They label people as weak or crazy if they seek out a counselor or have a mental illness. I say people who seek help for their mental health are strong, they understand they can’t do it alone any more than they can treat their own broken arm.

Also, a mentally healthy mom is the best gift a mom can give a child. Take the time you need to take care of your mental health. Take the extra time in the shower or bath. Reach out to a counselor if you need someone to talk to. A mom who takes some time to take care of herself IS NOT selfish, they are making sure they can give their best self to their family and children.

One resource now for those of us sheltering in place is betterhelp.com. They offer online services for counseling, although from my understanding many counselors are offering online sessions now. If you use betterhelp.com/sleepwithme you can save 10% off the first month. (sleepwithmepodcast.com is a website/podcast I use to fall asleep. It’s bedtime stories for grown ups. It’s great!)

Here are two of the reasons that I always work on my mental health:

We’re In This Together!

But at least we can remember that we’re all in this together.

As shelter in place is continuing in most places around the world (I know there are some places, even here in the U.S. that have chosen not to shelter in place or are coming out of it) more and more people are becoming restless for it to end soon. Even the President of the United States is talking about it ending by May 1st. And Dr. Oz said yesterday that sending kids back to school is okay because only 2-3 percent will die.

I’ve read multiple people complaining (?), praising (?), questioning (?), about how low the numbers of people testing positive for Coronavirus and dying from related complications. I’ve even replied to a few of them that perhaps the numbers are so low, because so many of us have been practicing social distancing and it’s having an impact on the transmission of the disease. Which is the reason that the shelter in place orders were given to begin with.

Sometimes I’ve been able to participate in civil discussions with people about different viewpoints about this whole pandemic. That’s interesting and fun and educational. I learn new things. I see things from somebody else’s point of view. These discussions can bring people together.

More often however, in social media as well as in the news media, I see people end up insulting one another. I see people turning against others.

Instead of the global crisis bringing people together, it seems to be tearing us apart.

Instead of people banding together to help one another, I see people blaming others.

Instead of listening to scientists as they race to figure this virus out, I hear people blaming them for creating the pandemic.

I hear people complain about what the government is doing to try to protect us, but not offering a solution except to let us all get the virus to have “herd immunity.” Which isn’t a good solution for the thousands who will die because their body cannot fight off the virus.

I know there is good out there. I see that too. I see the people sewing face masks for others. I see John Krasinski starting his “Some Good News” YouTube show. I see people thanking essential workers in lots of ways. I see people helping those who have lost jobs. I know there is good out there too.

We’re all frustrated. None of us really know when this is going to end. It’s having devastating consequences on the economy and people’s mental and emotional health. If we end the shelter in place orders too quickly it could have a devastating impact on the death toll and hospitals, which so far we’ve been able to mitigate in most places in America. I don’t have a solution to any of the problems we are facing economically, emotionally, mentally, or physically for the entire world, but I do have some suggestions that will help us all to get along a little better since we’re all in this together:

  • take care of yourself, stay away from people, places that you know can make you sick whether that with Coronavirus, allergies, flu, whatever–due what you can to stay healthy.
  • If you get sick, call the doctor and follow their directions.
  • If someone offers a different perspective, look at it, you might learn something new, even if you don’t look at it, don’t insult the person just because they think differently then you.
  • establish a routine for yourself, try to sleep, wake and eat at roughly the same times each day.
  • exercise every day, outside if you can. The sun and fresh air will do wonders for your mood.
  • If you’re in a bad place with someone who abuses you call the National Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go their website https://www.thehotline.org/what-is-live-chat/ where you can live chat with someone who can help you.
  • Reach out to people if you need to, if you know someone who struggles with their mental health, reach out to them. It’s not always easy to ask for help.
  • Pray. Having a higher being to talk to helps many people.
  • If you qualify for unemployment, apply for it. It’ll take awhile, but it’s worth it to get that extra help. It’s going to be a long time before the economy gets back to normal, because it’s not just our economy, it’s the world economy that’s in bad shape.

I’m sure there are other things that will help you, you just need to figure out what they are. One of the biggest things I can encourage people to do is to remember that we may not all believe the same things, we may not all want the same things, we may not all be afraid of the same things, but we are all in this together and need to be nice and have patience with one another so that as many people as possible make it out alive and healthy.

Last night on Disney’s sing along (yes I watched it, no my kids didn’t) one of the last songs was from High School Musical: “We’re All In This Together”. It seems to be a fitting anthem for this global crisis we find ourselves in now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6cXxLTr6Ao

I’m a teacher and This is NOT a Vacation

We all have bad days from time to time, right now, in the midst of this worldwide coronavirus pandemic, there are probably many people who are having bad days. I know that my day isn’t the worst one out there. I still have a job, a house, food and most importantly, toilet paper, although I could use some hand sanitizer and I’m beginning to run low on soap.

The main reason that I’m having a bad day is that I just got word, that what I’ve been dreading since I first heard that things were closing down and that we needed to shelter at home, is official.

School buildings in my district are officially closed for the remainder of the school year.

Distance learning will continue to happen, but the connections to students just aren’t the same through the computer as they are in the classroom. I had so much more to teach them and I’m not talking about the curriculum.

April is sexual assault awareness month as well as autism awareness month and I make both of them a big deal in my classroom.

I want them to know they are loved for who they are, I don’t only care about them because of the grades they earn, I care about them enough to want them to learn and earn good grades.

I want them to know that its okay to make mistakes and that mistakes are actually a huge part of learning for the rest of their lives.

I want them to know that the knowledge they learn in school is useful, but not just the curriculum. It’s learning to work with others, time management, learning to learn, expanding what they know, looking deeper into things, asking relevant questions, thinking for themselves and not just following others, respect for themselves and others and so much more.

I want my students who may not come from the best families to know that their background doesn’t determine their future, they do.

I want my students to know that college may not be for everyone, they may be better off going to a trade school or opening a business. College doesn’t teach people to fix my backed up kitchen sink, but a plumber knows how to do that and can charge me an arm and a leg to do it in an emergency. We also need people who can build houses, install electricity components, fix cars, farm our food etc.

I want other students to know that if they want to go to college to absolutely go for it. We always need more business people, more teachers, doctors, nurses, scientists, computer technicians, graphic artists, authors, etc.

I want them to know that they are capable of doing great things, they just have to be willing to put in the work to accomplish them, whether that’s brain work or physical work, most great things don’t come easy.

I want my students to know that their education is up to them. They are responsible for how much or how little they learn. I can only give them the resources and guide them in the right direction, I can’t cut open their heads and pour the information in. It’s up to them to read and write and do the work required to get an education.

I want them to know that getting an education doesn’t end when their time in school ends. They can learn new things for the rest of their lives.

I want my students to know that I miss them. I miss coming to the classroom everyday and seeing their faces, whether they were smiling, angry, ambivalent or whatever that day held. I miss them. I miss joking with them and talking to them and getting to know more about them. I miss seeing their eyes light up when they make a connection with the material and see how something from the past relates to today.

I want my students to know, I’m not done with them. I will do my best to teach them remotely. I will do my best. No matter how much of the work they do, I will continue to provide them with opportunities to learn. I will do this because I am a teacher and this is NOT a vacation.

I’m Not Okay, But I Will Be

I have anxiety. My mind is filled with worst case scenarios. All. The. Time. Sometimes, keeping busy can keep those thoughts at bay. Sometimes, learning everything I can about whatever the current “worst case” I’m obsessing about can actually ease up the worry because I realize it’s not as bad as I think it is. Sometimes, I can hang out with friends or family and keep the thoughts from overwhelming me and pulling me down into the abyss.

Right now, I’m not okay. My mind is filled with “what ifs” about COVID 19 as well as thoughts about the rest of the school year. My thoughts are spiraling out of control. I’m writing to try to get some of it out. Hopefully this works to calm things down in my head a bit.

I feel like the world as we knew it is gone. We will return to a new normal eventually and hopefully we will be better for it. We are all realizing that the world doesn’t exist only for ourselves, but for everyone. We have to stop being selfish, stop saying, “I’ll be okay. I’m not in a high risk group for the coronavirus.” We have to realize that people are going to die. Hospitals are going to be stressed beyond capacity. We need to worry about the people who will get sick. If we don’t each do our part to stop the spread of this virus by staying home and practicing social distancing, then things will get worse.

I’m not trying to be a fear monger. In my attempt to ease my anxiety, I have been reading a lot of studies done on COVID 19 and how it has affected other countries like China and Italy. I don’t want that to happen here. This is a very contagious virus. You can be contagious and never have symptoms. If that’s you, you are lucky, but you may go around somebody who might not be so lucky. They could get extremely ill and need to be hospitalized. This will stress out the hospitals if too many people become seriously ill.

Please, as stressful as it can be to be isolated in our homes and only go out for food and medical needs, lets be conscious of the fact that there are many in our community who are in the high risk groups for serious illness with this virus.

I know that its hard mentally and emotionally to be home for extended periods of time. I have to do it each summer. Some things that I find to be helpful are:

  1. get into a routine and do your best to stick with it,
  2. get dressed everyday,
  3. exercise (YouTube had great workout videos and many gyms are putting class videos online.),
  4. spend time interacting with your family that lives with you,
  5. call or text friends and family that don’t live with you.

I’m not okay, but I know that we will all get through this together, from our own separate houses, each doing our best to stay connected while maintaining a safe, healthy distance from one another.

Yay, We Made It!

We did it. We’ve reached the end of another year and another decade! That’s pretty darn impressive if you ask me. Not only did we survive the last 365 days, we’ve survived the last 10 years!

For some people that may not seem like such a big deal, but for people who deal with mental illness that can be a huge accomplishment. I’m talking gigantic. Humongous. Enormous. Let’s just say, it’s definitely something to talk about.

For so many people, just getting out of bed each day is a struggle. When you add on to that work, and eating and possibly taking care of other people, like spouses or children who depend on you, each task can seem monumental and exhausting.

Because of this, the fact that we are all here, at the end of 2019 is amazing! I’m so glad we’ve all made it this far on this ride called life.

As we look back at the past year, or decade (or week) and we see all that we’ve been through, both good and bad, let’s be thankful that we are here. We. Are. Here. We have survived until this point and we have learned how strong we are through the trials of life. Our strength will continue to carry us through the days, weeks, months and years to come.

Each moment we have, both good and bad, will pass; nothing lasts forever. The good moments leave us with happy memories that we can grasp and look back on to remember the good times when things aren’t going so good. they remind us that things can be happy. The bad times teach us about our strength, they give us insight to ourselves and others and they show us life lessons. We can use what tough times teach us the next time that the going gets tough. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

As I look forward I hope that 2020 is a great year for everybody, as perfect as the vision it promises (ha ha, okay bad joke.)

I have stopped making resolutions because they usually only last me about a day. I do make life changes though, sometimes in January, sometimes at other times of the year. So far, the life changes I’ve made have helped me in managing my mental illnesses much more successfully and I plan to continue that in the New Year.

I hope that if you make resolutions or make life changes that you stick to them and they make your life better and more fulfilled. I hope that you are able to manage your mental, emotional and physical health throughout the New Year.

Thank you all for reading my blog. If you haven’t done it already, please subscribe to get the blog delivered to your email whenever I write a new post (usually on Saturdays, but this is a “Special New Year’s Eve Edition”).

Holidays Can Be Hard

Most people just assume this is the happiest time of the year. I mean there’s even a song that tells us it is, so it must be true. But for many people, the holidays are the hardest time of the year for many reasons.

For some it reminds them that someone is missing; that there is an empty place at the table, a hole in the family.

For others, the stress and demands of the season is over whelming, leaving them a burnt out grouch.

Some people are sent back to those times in childhood when they weren’t even good enough for Santa to bring them what they wanted while he brought that other kid in class the latest and greatest gadget or toy. Like maybe a Cabbage Patch Kid.

For little ones, the different schedule, the stress of their parents all takes a toll and changes their behavior, possibly causing them to act out.

So many reasons the holidays can be hard and not so happy.

If you are one of the thousands of people who struggles with the holidays know that you aren’t alone. Know that you’re feelings are valid, it’s okay to not be okay, even at Christmas. It’s okay to say no to that party and stay home with your family. It’s okay to cry while you remember the past Christmases with loved ones who are no longer here. It’s okay to hold onto the little ones a bit longer and tighter at bedtime and let them know that they’ll be okay too.

If you have a friend who struggles with the holidays just be there. They just need to know they’re not alone. If they want to talk, just listen; don’t offer advice or tell them to get over it or remind them that it’s the happiest time of the year. Just be there for them.

If you’re out in public and someone doesn’t wish you a Merry Christmas, don’t be offended, they may not be having the easiest time. Just smile and walk on.

The holidays can be hard.

Traveling With Anxiety

Our luggage for the 4 of us to be in Paris and London for 10 days.

On June 4th, my family was able to take a an incredible trip to Paris and London. I have wanted to go to Paris since I was 15 and learning French in Madame Funge’s class at Tokay High School. My daughter has wanted to go for thenpast four years, since she found out the Women’s World Cup Soccer Tournament was being held there this summer. My son wanted to see a play in London, and my husband is willing to travel pretty much wherever we want to go.

The thing is, we each have some form of anxiety or other mental health issue that makes travel so much more difficult for us.

I’m sharing this experience from my point of view, how travel with my family affects me and how I handle it as a person who has anxiety. I’m not a doctor or therapist and I can’t tell you how to do your life. I only want you to know that if you have anxiety, you’re not alone. If you have anxiety and want to travel, you can.

As much as I was looking forward to this trip, I was terrified of this trip. I have a child who needs to have structure, doesn’t do well with changes and is very picky about food. I have another child recovering from a concussion, I didn’t know how she’d handle an 11 hour plane ride or all the plans we had. Then there’s me and my brain, able to leap to the worst possible scenario in a single bound. All the “what if” questions that constantly swirl through my mind. Beginning with “what if we miss our flight?” to, “what if there’s a terrorist attack at the stadium?”

I’m telling you, I didn’t sleep more than 5 hours a night, on a good night, for weeks leading up to this trip or during the trip because of the thoughts.

So, what did I do to help myself?

First, I planned. Then planned some more. Finally, I did even more planning.

One page from my four page itinerary.

My family laughs at my itineraries, I make them for every trip we go on, except to the beach. It helps me stay calm while on the trip. All the decisions of where to go and what to see are done before we leave. I think they all secretly enjoy knowing what we’re doing too, because each evening they ask me what we’re doing the next day. I think they like knowing there’s a plan.

Planning also helps me make sure we have downtime. Especially for the concussed kid. She needed time to rest each day, whether that meant an early evening or an afternoon break. I can make sure we do that and don’t just let the day get away from us while we’re out sight seeing.

My family knows that traveling terrifies me and triggers my anxiety, but they also know, that I will never allow anxiety to stop me from traveling. There are so many places I want to explore.

It’s important for them to know that anxiety doesn’t rule my life. Sometimes it beats me up a little bit and knocks me around, but it doesn’t keep me down.

As nerve-wracking as this trip was, it was even more amazing, incredible, awesome. I got to see places I’ve only seen in pictures and movies, like the Eiffel Tower, the Seine, Notre Dame and the Pantheon. I got to see places I’d never even heard of before I started planning this trip like the Paris Catacombs or Novelty Animation in London. I got to see 2 Women’s World Cup Soccer matches in Paris, Matilda, the play, in London, the Harry Potter Studio in London and I got to go to Disneyland and Walt Disney Studios in Paris.

Not only did I get to do and see all that, but I was able to experience most of it with my whole family. (My husband got a sinus infection and had to skip out on a few things.) Sure, the kids argued some, and I was only able to get them in one picture, but we have memories that will last a lifetime.

Anxiety sucks! It will tell you that you can’t do things.

It lies!

You can do things!

Notre Dame

I Cried in Class!

Yes, I really did cry in class. I was up in front, teaching a lesson, when tears filled my eyes. My students got a glimpse of my vulnerable side. It was a good thing, I think. I know it was a lesson they won’t soon forget.

In my psychology classes, we are just starting our unit on mental illness. Every year, I start this unit with a lesson about ending the stigma of mental illness and the importance of getting help if you are struggling with a mental illness.

The lesson started out simply enough; we defined stigma. Here’s the definition from the Cambridge Dictionary: “a strong lack of respect for a person or a group of people or a bad opinion of them because they have done something society does not approve of:”

Then we looked specifically at the stigma associated with mental illness with this:

“Stigma refers to a cluster of negative attitudes and beliefs that motivate the general public to fear, reject, avoid and discriminate against people with mental illnesses. Stigma is not just a matter of using the wrong word or action. Stigma is about disrespect. It is the use of negative labels to identify a person living with mental illness. Stigma is a barrier. Fear of stigma and the resulting discrimination discourages individuals and their families from getting the help they need.” SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration), School Materials for a Mental Health Friendly Classroom, 2004

We had a little discussion about their attitudes towards mental illness and some facts about it, like the fact that 1 in 5 teens will experience a mental illness, which means their life will most likely be impacted in one way or another by mental illness.

Then we watched a couple of videos of teens and young adults discussing the way in which a mental illness has impacted their lives.

I ended the lesson by discussing several ways that each individual can help end the stigma surrounding mental health issues. These include: get educated about mental illnesses, listen to people talk about their personal experience with mental illness, respond to stigmatizing material in the media, speak up about stigma and watch your language.

The “watch your language” explanation was when I cried. Let me explain what happened.

I have Anxiety, Depression, PTSD and OCD. Thankfully, at the moment I am not having an episode of any of them, they have all gotten the memo that they are not invited to my party and are, so far, staying away from me. However, many of my readers know that I experience some dark times, where I feel like I’m drowning. It was the memory of one of those times that made me cry.

One of the “bonuses” of working in a high school is overhearing teenage conversations. Statements like this are common place:

“Maybe I’ll just kill myself so I won’t have to do that project/assignment…”

“I had such an OCD moment last night, I cleaned and organized my entire room.”

“I can’t sit still today, I’m so ADHD right now.”

“Oh my God! I can’t believe I just did that. I’m so retarded!”

Now, I don’t know the mental health status of all my students, but when only 1 in 5 deals with a mental illness, I can be pretty sure that many of the students who make such statements are just using the terms as adjectives.

These are mental illnesses, not adjectives!

In order to explain how this kind of talk can be stigmatizing, I chose to describe how OCD effects me at it’s worst.

In case you don’t know what OCD is, it stands for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

A person with this illness has obsessive behavior, things they have to do. It could be organizing their closet a certain way, it could be not driving over bridges, it could be having to check and recheck that the doors are locked every night before they go to bed. Whatever the behavior is, it’s obsessive.

Then there’s the compulsive part. That’s the thoughts and feelings that cause the obsessive behavior. Usually, this part involves a feeling of terror or panic. It is not just because the person has a moment and cleans their room.

So back to my story. I wanted to describe how OCD affects me.

Every evening I check all the doors to the house and make sure they’re all locked and the windows closed. In the summer a few windows are allowed to stay open if I’m not experiencing an OCD episode. However, whether I’m having an episode or not, the routine stays the same. That way if I’m having an episode of OCD, I won’t forget to do it.

When OCD is on vacation, I can check the doors once and go to bed, no problem. When OCD first comes for a visit, I will have to get out of bed a few times to check before I can fall asleep.

When OCD is at it’s most terrifying to me, I see the terrible thing that will happen to my family if I don’t get up and check the doors and windows.

OCD doesn’t let my brain just think about the terrible thing, no, OCD takes control of my imagination and shows me vivid images of it.

That’s when I cried. One of the vivid images took center stage in my brain, in the middle of the lesson. I’m not going to describe what I saw inside my head, but imagine the  worst,  gory, horror movie scene you’ve ever watched happening to your family. That’ll give you an idea of the images that flood my mind during an episode of OCD and that’s what filled my mind in that moment of my lesson.

So I cried.

They saw a mental illness’s effect on a real person that they see almost every day. Hopefully, it will help them to watch their language and realize those are mental illnesses, not adjectives.

P.S. I know that many people with OCD don’t have the same horrific images that I see. Some obsessions have much milder compulsions, but OCD is still intrusive and disruptive to the person’s life.

#endthestigma Proud Mom Brag

I have two awesome kids and I’m super proud of them a lot. They are both friendly, smart, and totally different from each other.

In this post I’m going to brag on my daughter, just to warn you.

If you don’t want to know the incredible thing she did this week, stop reading now.

If you do want to know what she did this week to make me so proud, please continue reading.

She’s in eighth grade and taking a leadership class. This past week they were assigned to give a short, informative presentation, like a TED talk, but only about 2 minutes long.

The students picked their topics and some were; the importance of the gas light in your car, art, phobias, being a blonde, being a brunette, there was even one about TED talks.

My daughter chose to talk about mental health disorders. She wanted students her age to understand how common mental health disorders are, how they affect people’s lives  and not to make fun of people who have them.

She cautioned people to not use the names of mental health disorders lightly. For example, saying you have OCD because you’re organized. She informed her classmates that saying those sorts of things can really hurt someone suffering from that mental health disorder

.

The best thing is she didn’t even tell me about the talk; she usually goes about her school life without telling me what she’s doing. A student in her class told her mom about my daughter’s talk because it made such an impression on her. That mom came and told me.

When I asked my daughter about it, she shrugged it off like no big deal. She just thought people needed to know.

I can not put into words how proud I am.

#endthestigma

Fantastic New Song by Avril Lavigne

I have been having a fantastic, busy past few weeks, I haven’t even had much time to blog, so I’ll give a quick update before I introduce this amazing new song.

Last year, I started having a hard time with the anti-anxiety medication I was on. It made me not care about anything and all I ever wanted to do was sleep, I was always sooooooo tired. I like to get one medication out of my system before starting another one, so I asked my doctor is I could take the summer off any medication so that I could see how I do without it. It’s been years since I haven’t been on medication and while it initially works, each one I’ve been on has ultimately left me feeling exhausted and not caring about anything.

By the end of May, I was off medication and I tried natural ways to relieve my anxiety. I have a regular bedtime that I do my best to keep, whether its a weekday or not. I do my best to stay away from food that is made more out of chemicals than real food. I drink far less soda than I used to and way more water. I also walk two miles most mornings before I do anything else and practice yoga stretching and breathing exercises while listening to a local Christian radio station,which a friend of mine DJs on.

Overall, I feel so much better. I have energy that I didn’t have at the end of my run with medication. I’m feeling physically fit, I can walk two miles in 30 minutes. I’m losing weight from eating better foods. I don’t feel anxious all the time about every little thing.

Having said that, my anxiety is not completely gone. I still have the occasional panic attack, complete with rapid breathing, tears, and my whole body shaking. Sometimes I know what situation has caused it, sometimes I don’t. What I do know is that all I have to do to get through it, is focus on something relaxing, and take some deep breaths until the panic passes.

I still worry about random things too. For example, this past week I was in Washington DC, where I used public transportation to get around. It was hot there, but I wouldn’t wear shorts because I didn’t want to put my bare legs on the seats in the subway trains because somebody else may have put there bare legs there. It doesn’t even matter though because I’m going to take a shower, so who cares? I did. Little things like that still cause me excessive worry, but I can function. I just wore pants and went on with my life, the same exact germs that I didn’t want on my legs got on my pants instead. It all worked itself out in the end and I had a fantastic time taking new people to one of my favorite places.

Now, to this song by Avril Lavigne, called “Head Above Water”.  The words of the song tell my story and the story of so many others who suffer with anxiety. It’s beautiful and heart-wrenching. Thank you Avril Lavigne for putting these feelings into such an amazing song and video.

This song brings hope!