Tag: mental illness

We’re In This Together!

But at least we can remember that we’re all in this together.

As shelter in place is continuing in most places around the world (I know there are some places, even here in the U.S. that have chosen not to shelter in place or are coming out of it) more and more people are becoming restless for it to end soon. Even the President of the United States is talking about it ending by May 1st. And Dr. Oz said yesterday that sending kids back to school is okay because only 2-3 percent will die.

I’ve read multiple people complaining (?), praising (?), questioning (?), about how low the numbers of people testing positive for Coronavirus and dying from related complications. I’ve even replied to a few of them that perhaps the numbers are so low, because so many of us have been practicing social distancing and it’s having an impact on the transmission of the disease. Which is the reason that the shelter in place orders were given to begin with.

Sometimes I’ve been able to participate in civil discussions with people about different viewpoints about this whole pandemic. That’s interesting and fun and educational. I learn new things. I see things from somebody else’s point of view. These discussions can bring people together.

More often however, in social media as well as in the news media, I see people end up insulting one another. I see people turning against others.

Instead of the global crisis bringing people together, it seems to be tearing us apart.

Instead of people banding together to help one another, I see people blaming others.

Instead of listening to scientists as they race to figure this virus out, I hear people blaming them for creating the pandemic.

I hear people complain about what the government is doing to try to protect us, but not offering a solution except to let us all get the virus to have “herd immunity.” Which isn’t a good solution for the thousands who will die because their body cannot fight off the virus.

I know there is good out there. I see that too. I see the people sewing face masks for others. I see John Krasinski starting his “Some Good News” YouTube show. I see people thanking essential workers in lots of ways. I see people helping those who have lost jobs. I know there is good out there too.

We’re all frustrated. None of us really know when this is going to end. It’s having devastating consequences on the economy and people’s mental and emotional health. If we end the shelter in place orders too quickly it could have a devastating impact on the death toll and hospitals, which so far we’ve been able to mitigate in most places in America. I don’t have a solution to any of the problems we are facing economically, emotionally, mentally, or physically for the entire world, but I do have some suggestions that will help us all to get along a little better since we’re all in this together:

  • take care of yourself, stay away from people, places that you know can make you sick whether that with Coronavirus, allergies, flu, whatever–due what you can to stay healthy.
  • If you get sick, call the doctor and follow their directions.
  • If someone offers a different perspective, look at it, you might learn something new, even if you don’t look at it, don’t insult the person just because they think differently then you.
  • establish a routine for yourself, try to sleep, wake and eat at roughly the same times each day.
  • exercise every day, outside if you can. The sun and fresh air will do wonders for your mood.
  • If you’re in a bad place with someone who abuses you call the National Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go their website https://www.thehotline.org/what-is-live-chat/ where you can live chat with someone who can help you.
  • Reach out to people if you need to, if you know someone who struggles with their mental health, reach out to them. It’s not always easy to ask for help.
  • Pray. Having a higher being to talk to helps many people.
  • If you qualify for unemployment, apply for it. It’ll take awhile, but it’s worth it to get that extra help. It’s going to be a long time before the economy gets back to normal, because it’s not just our economy, it’s the world economy that’s in bad shape.

I’m sure there are other things that will help you, you just need to figure out what they are. One of the biggest things I can encourage people to do is to remember that we may not all believe the same things, we may not all want the same things, we may not all be afraid of the same things, but we are all in this together and need to be nice and have patience with one another so that as many people as possible make it out alive and healthy.

Last night on Disney’s sing along (yes I watched it, no my kids didn’t) one of the last songs was from High School Musical: “We’re All In This Together”. It seems to be a fitting anthem for this global crisis we find ourselves in now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6cXxLTr6Ao

I’m a teacher and This is NOT a Vacation

We all have bad days from time to time, right now, in the midst of this worldwide coronavirus pandemic, there are probably many people who are having bad days. I know that my day isn’t the worst one out there. I still have a job, a house, food and most importantly, toilet paper, although I could use some hand sanitizer and I’m beginning to run low on soap.

The main reason that I’m having a bad day is that I just got word, that what I’ve been dreading since I first heard that things were closing down and that we needed to shelter at home, is official.

School buildings in my district are officially closed for the remainder of the school year.

Distance learning will continue to happen, but the connections to students just aren’t the same through the computer as they are in the classroom. I had so much more to teach them and I’m not talking about the curriculum.

April is sexual assault awareness month as well as autism awareness month and I make both of them a big deal in my classroom.

I want them to know they are loved for who they are, I don’t only care about them because of the grades they earn, I care about them enough to want them to learn and earn good grades.

I want them to know that its okay to make mistakes and that mistakes are actually a huge part of learning for the rest of their lives.

I want them to know that the knowledge they learn in school is useful, but not just the curriculum. It’s learning to work with others, time management, learning to learn, expanding what they know, looking deeper into things, asking relevant questions, thinking for themselves and not just following others, respect for themselves and others and so much more.

I want my students who may not come from the best families to know that their background doesn’t determine their future, they do.

I want my students to know that college may not be for everyone, they may be better off going to a trade school or opening a business. College doesn’t teach people to fix my backed up kitchen sink, but a plumber knows how to do that and can charge me an arm and a leg to do it in an emergency. We also need people who can build houses, install electricity components, fix cars, farm our food etc.

I want other students to know that if they want to go to college to absolutely go for it. We always need more business people, more teachers, doctors, nurses, scientists, computer technicians, graphic artists, authors, etc.

I want them to know that they are capable of doing great things, they just have to be willing to put in the work to accomplish them, whether that’s brain work or physical work, most great things don’t come easy.

I want my students to know that their education is up to them. They are responsible for how much or how little they learn. I can only give them the resources and guide them in the right direction, I can’t cut open their heads and pour the information in. It’s up to them to read and write and do the work required to get an education.

I want them to know that getting an education doesn’t end when their time in school ends. They can learn new things for the rest of their lives.

I want my students to know that I miss them. I miss coming to the classroom everyday and seeing their faces, whether they were smiling, angry, ambivalent or whatever that day held. I miss them. I miss joking with them and talking to them and getting to know more about them. I miss seeing their eyes light up when they make a connection with the material and see how something from the past relates to today.

I want my students to know, I’m not done with them. I will do my best to teach them remotely. I will do my best. No matter how much of the work they do, I will continue to provide them with opportunities to learn. I will do this because I am a teacher and this is NOT a vacation.

I’m Not Okay, But I Will Be

I have anxiety. My mind is filled with worst case scenarios. All. The. Time. Sometimes, keeping busy can keep those thoughts at bay. Sometimes, learning everything I can about whatever the current “worst case” I’m obsessing about can actually ease up the worry because I realize it’s not as bad as I think it is. Sometimes, I can hang out with friends or family and keep the thoughts from overwhelming me and pulling me down into the abyss.

Right now, I’m not okay. My mind is filled with “what ifs” about COVID 19 as well as thoughts about the rest of the school year. My thoughts are spiraling out of control. I’m writing to try to get some of it out. Hopefully this works to calm things down in my head a bit.

I feel like the world as we knew it is gone. We will return to a new normal eventually and hopefully we will be better for it. We are all realizing that the world doesn’t exist only for ourselves, but for everyone. We have to stop being selfish, stop saying, “I’ll be okay. I’m not in a high risk group for the coronavirus.” We have to realize that people are going to die. Hospitals are going to be stressed beyond capacity. We need to worry about the people who will get sick. If we don’t each do our part to stop the spread of this virus by staying home and practicing social distancing, then things will get worse.

I’m not trying to be a fear monger. In my attempt to ease my anxiety, I have been reading a lot of studies done on COVID 19 and how it has affected other countries like China and Italy. I don’t want that to happen here. This is a very contagious virus. You can be contagious and never have symptoms. If that’s you, you are lucky, but you may go around somebody who might not be so lucky. They could get extremely ill and need to be hospitalized. This will stress out the hospitals if too many people become seriously ill.

Please, as stressful as it can be to be isolated in our homes and only go out for food and medical needs, lets be conscious of the fact that there are many in our community who are in the high risk groups for serious illness with this virus.

I know that its hard mentally and emotionally to be home for extended periods of time. I have to do it each summer. Some things that I find to be helpful are:

  1. get into a routine and do your best to stick with it,
  2. get dressed everyday,
  3. exercise (YouTube had great workout videos and many gyms are putting class videos online.),
  4. spend time interacting with your family that lives with you,
  5. call or text friends and family that don’t live with you.

I’m not okay, but I know that we will all get through this together, from our own separate houses, each doing our best to stay connected while maintaining a safe, healthy distance from one another.

Victim Blaming has to STOP!!!!!

First of all I want to apologize for not writing for so long. Something has been going on with the website, I don’t know what it is, but every time I write something it won’t load. In fact, I’m writing this wondering if it will load, hoping that it does. Anyway, I have been thinking about writing this post for months, since November actually, but wasn’t emotionally prepared to do it, but I am now, so here we go.

When I was 15 years old I was dating a handsome guy with brown eyes and dark hair. He was the first boy to make me feel really special and to make me feel like I had to earn his love. However, I had to earn my parent’s love, so earning love wasn’t new to me. There was one thing I wouldn’t do though, I wasn’t going to have sex with him. I told him that from the start and multiple times throughout the relationship.

We had been dating for ten months when he asked me to go with him to one of his friend’s apartments with him, I had met the friend before so I agreed. When we got there, his friend wasn’t there, but he had the key to let us in. I thought that was a weird, but I trusted him so I went in with him when he explained that the friend had given him the key because he knew he’d get there later than us.

My boyfriend led me to the couch and started kissing me, whispering that we might as well make good use of the time alone. So we started making out. Next thing I knew he had me pinned down on the couch, I was wearing a skirt, and he was forcing himself inside of me. There was nothing nice or romantic about what he was doing. When he was done, he told me to clean up before his friend got there and knew what I had done.

I was humiliated. I was horrified. I was shocked. I was scared. I was broken. I was crying (he told me to stop). I was devastated.

Nobody would know what I had done. I tried to bury myself in the couch while he was on top of me, but the couch wouldn’t open up and swallow me. I couldn’t get away from him because he weighed almost a hundred pounds more than me and had me pinned beneath him. I didn’t tell him to stop.

I was too humiliated to tell a soul. I was scared if I broke up with him he’d tell people that I’d had sex with him, or people would ask me why I broke up with him and I couldn’t tell anybody what happened, so I stayed. I was ashamed.

Months later, I finally told someone what he did to me, and finally called it what it was, rape. They had to report it to the police. I was questioned. The officer asked me if I had told anybody when it happened. He asked me why I stayed. He asked me if I ever said no or told him to stop. He blamed me for being raped. It was my fault because I went with him willingly to the apartment, because I never said no, because I didn’t tell him to stop, because I didn’t fight back.

It took years for me to realize that it wasn’t my fault. Everyone from that police officer to my rapist, to my mom, to my best friend, to the teachings of my church told me it was my fault that I was raped.

In November I read an excellent book that wasn’t easy to read. There were times that I threw the book across the bed or couch where I was sitting. Other times I was ugly crying with loud angry sobs and snot running out of my nose. I would definitely recommend the book to anyone who has been sexually assaulted or who knows someone who has been sexually assaulted. It was hard to read, but oh so worth it.

It was written by the Stanford rape survivor Chanel Miller and it’s called Know My Name.

So many people blamed her for being raped because she was drunk. There is never a reason for rape except that the rapist is a rapist.

One of the quotes from the book that stands out to me shows how ridiculous it is that so many people blame sexual assault victims for the crime against them, when they don’t so easily blame other victims for crimes against them.

Nobody really expects you to fight back if a person steals your purse or car or breaks into your house, but they expect you to fight back when you are being sexually assaulted and if you don’t then it’s your fault or you must have wanted it.

I had been telling my boyfriend for ten months that I didn’t want to have sex, he knew I didn’t want to have sex, so if I had told him while he had my arms pinned above my head and was laying on top of me forcing himself into me, would me telling him “NO” have made him stop. I was crying and that didn’t make him stop so I doubt any words would have worked.

The police officers let me know that there was nothing that they could really do, especially since it had been over a year by the time I talked to them and he was in the Marines at that point. After the Marines, my rapist has gone on to become a police officer in New Orleans.

I have healed, for the most part, I still have moments that are hard. I have an amazing husband and family and a great job. I love the life I have despite what happened to me when I was 15 years old.

My daughter is now 15. I look at her and hope that she never has to endure what I went through, especially not at that age. 15 is so young, too young to have to endure such trauma, alone.

Let’s all make a promise to stop victim blaming.

If you have been a victim of Sexual Assault

Need help?

Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

Yay, We Made It!

We did it. We’ve reached the end of another year and another decade! That’s pretty darn impressive if you ask me. Not only did we survive the last 365 days, we’ve survived the last 10 years!

For some people that may not seem like such a big deal, but for people who deal with mental illness that can be a huge accomplishment. I’m talking gigantic. Humongous. Enormous. Let’s just say, it’s definitely something to talk about.

For so many people, just getting out of bed each day is a struggle. When you add on to that work, and eating and possibly taking care of other people, like spouses or children who depend on you, each task can seem monumental and exhausting.

Because of this, the fact that we are all here, at the end of 2019 is amazing! I’m so glad we’ve all made it this far on this ride called life.

As we look back at the past year, or decade (or week) and we see all that we’ve been through, both good and bad, let’s be thankful that we are here. We. Are. Here. We have survived until this point and we have learned how strong we are through the trials of life. Our strength will continue to carry us through the days, weeks, months and years to come.

Each moment we have, both good and bad, will pass; nothing lasts forever. The good moments leave us with happy memories that we can grasp and look back on to remember the good times when things aren’t going so good. they remind us that things can be happy. The bad times teach us about our strength, they give us insight to ourselves and others and they show us life lessons. We can use what tough times teach us the next time that the going gets tough. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

As I look forward I hope that 2020 is a great year for everybody, as perfect as the vision it promises (ha ha, okay bad joke.)

I have stopped making resolutions because they usually only last me about a day. I do make life changes though, sometimes in January, sometimes at other times of the year. So far, the life changes I’ve made have helped me in managing my mental illnesses much more successfully and I plan to continue that in the New Year.

I hope that if you make resolutions or make life changes that you stick to them and they make your life better and more fulfilled. I hope that you are able to manage your mental, emotional and physical health throughout the New Year.

Thank you all for reading my blog. If you haven’t done it already, please subscribe to get the blog delivered to your email whenever I write a new post (usually on Saturdays, but this is a “Special New Year’s Eve Edition”).

Holidays Can Be Hard

Most people just assume this is the happiest time of the year. I mean there’s even a song that tells us it is, so it must be true. But for many people, the holidays are the hardest time of the year for many reasons.

For some it reminds them that someone is missing; that there is an empty place at the table, a hole in the family.

For others, the stress and demands of the season is over whelming, leaving them a burnt out grouch.

Some people are sent back to those times in childhood when they weren’t even good enough for Santa to bring them what they wanted while he brought that other kid in class the latest and greatest gadget or toy. Like maybe a Cabbage Patch Kid.

For little ones, the different schedule, the stress of their parents all takes a toll and changes their behavior, possibly causing them to act out.

So many reasons the holidays can be hard and not so happy.

If you are one of the thousands of people who struggles with the holidays know that you aren’t alone. Know that you’re feelings are valid, it’s okay to not be okay, even at Christmas. It’s okay to say no to that party and stay home with your family. It’s okay to cry while you remember the past Christmases with loved ones who are no longer here. It’s okay to hold onto the little ones a bit longer and tighter at bedtime and let them know that they’ll be okay too.

If you have a friend who struggles with the holidays just be there. They just need to know they’re not alone. If they want to talk, just listen; don’t offer advice or tell them to get over it or remind them that it’s the happiest time of the year. Just be there for them.

If you’re out in public and someone doesn’t wish you a Merry Christmas, don’t be offended, they may not be having the easiest time. Just smile and walk on.

The holidays can be hard.

Love Yourself

Who is guilty of negative self-talk? You know what I mean, phrases we say to ourselves that we would never say to another human being and definitely never to our favorite pet.

Phrases like:

“You’re such an idiot, I can’t believe you did or said that!”

“You’re such a fatty, you need to stop eating! No more dessert for you!”

“You’re so worthless, nobody could ever love you!”

“You are such a waste of space.”

I’m here waving my hands in the air. I’m guilty of this type of negative self-talk and so much more. Things I hope would never be said about another person, I say to and about myself. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

Too many of us are too critical no ourselves and our lives show it. We are in terrible mental and physical health because we think we aren’t worth taking care of.

We are! We are worth it! We need to give ourselves.

I hear people say “I hate my body. I need to lose weight. I should diet, maybe I’ll start exercising.”

Do you hear what the motivation is? Hate. Hatred of their body. Does hate ever sustain anything. It can for awhile, but not forever.

We need to take care of ourselves because we love ourselves, not because we hate ourselves.

On July 5th last year, I decided I was worth it. I needed to love myself.

I began to eat healthier, not because I hated myself or my body, but because I love myself and want to be around for awhile. I know we can’t prevent all diseases, but we can make food choices that are better for us.

I also began to exercise. Again, not because I hate my body and wanted to punish it and the fat it was storing, but because I want my body to last for awhile longer. If I make it to a ripe old age, I want to be able to move. I want to keep my muscles and bones strong enough to support my body, I don’t want to be impeded by my choices. I want to be able to run after my hypothetical grandkids.

There have been positive consequences to choosing to love myself. My anxiety and depression are easier to manage without medication, I have lost weight and I’m a lot stronger both physically and mentally.

Please, love yourself and take care of you. There are people who want you in their life for years to come.

People With Mental Illness Should Be Hospitalized?!?!? #endthestigma

About a year ago, my doctor and I decided that I would try to manage my anxiety and depression without medication. This decision didn’t come lightly or because I’m anti-medication. It came because after years of trying different medications, with great success in the beginning, each one ended the same way; with me in bed, not having the energy or the motivation to do anything for anyone, even my children. After the last dismal failure of a medicine, I decided that I had enough of the roller coaster of emotions that they had been putting me on and I was going to try life without the meds.

I was scared.

I knew it would be difficult. I knew I would have to make changes. I knew I could do it though. I knew I had a strong support system.

One change I made right from the start was limiting social media. However, the past few weeks, I have fallen back into the habit of scrolling Facebook to see what my friends are up to. I quickly realized that was a mistake.

I saw this on there:

I’m mentally ill. My husband has a mental illness, my son has a mental illness. I have friends with mental illnesses.

I wasn’t aware that we all needed to be hospitalized. I’ll admit that there are some people with mental illness who might be a danger to themselves or others and may need to be hospitalized for a time, but in general, I don’t think that’s where we need to be.

People with mental illnesses can be teachers, doctors, police officers, nurses, students, hair stylist, singers, actors, plumbers, electricians, fire fighters, paramedics, lawyers, judges, we can have whatever job we want and train for. We can even be politicians.

According to the National Council for Behavioral Health, almost 50 percent of American adults will experience a mental illness in their lifetime.

That would be a lot of people taking up space in the hospital!

Now really, I know that mentally I’ll people do not need to be hospitalized. I truly hope the people who posted this image also know that.

What I also want them to know is that by posting images like this, they are adding to the stigma of mental illness.

They are making it more difficult for someone who may be struggling to feel strong enough to ask for help without fear of being judged.

They are causing people who struggle to stay hidden in the darkness for dear of being hospitalized or shunned or made fun of.

Please just stop.

Here’s a sign I see in lots of schools. Let’s apply it to everyone, not just kids.

And let’s apply it to social media too. Just because nobody can see you post it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt people.

Tears filled my eyes when I saw the image about mentally ill people being hospitalized.

My heart ached for all the others who would see it and possibly feel the same as me.

Broken.

Not good enough.

Hurt.

Angry.

Determined to…

Redbubble.com

Letter to My Students

I end each year of school with a letter to my seniors with words of advice and encouragement for moving on. This year I decided to give that letter to all the students in my sociology classes. And now I will share it with you.

This is my last chance to socialize you. My last opportunity to teach you some important life lessons; some of the “latent functions” of education or parts of the “hidden curriculum.” I hope you take it in and choose to learn from it, but that’s up to you; I can only put it out there.

Know your worth. There are some mean people in this world who make it there point to cut other people down and for some reason we tend to believe what they say about us. DO NOT DO THAT! THEY ARE WRONG! You are an amazing human being with so much to offer this world. You have friendship to offer, you have your sense of humor, or your wit, or sarcasm, or athleticism, or intelligence, or understanding, or… or…or… You have so much to offer. You are so valuable! Know that! Know your worth! If people treat you as though you are worthless, get them out of your life, because you are valuable beyond compare.

Love people. There is enough hate and division in this world, so love people. Unless they are personally hurting you, love people. Hate takes too much energy. If what people are doing goes against what you believe, but it doesn’t interfere with your life, let them be and love people. If it does interfere with your life, move on without them and love people.

Love yourself. I’m not talking about being conceited and arrogant and all about yourself. I’m talking about loving yourself enough to take care of you. You have to be important to you. You need to love yourself enough to exercise, eat right, to seek out doctors to help keep you healthy and friends to talk to when things get tough. There are so many important things that go along with loving yourself. Figure out what those things are for you and do them. Make you a priority in life, not something to get around to if you have time. If you don’t make time to take care of yourself and keep yourself healthy both mentally and physically, you will be forced to make the time when you get ill.

Be humble. Never put yourself above others. It is possible to love yourself and still build others up. Life isn’t a competition, we all just want to survive. Always bragging about yourself just tears others down and makes them feel worse about themselves, so be humble. Accept praise with a polite “thank you,” and you’ll be well on your way to being humble.

It’s been a great privilege to have been your teacher this year. Good luck in all your future endeavors. I hope to hear great things about you. You are amazing!

Have Fun! Be Safe! Make Good Choices!

What I Learned From My Mom

It’s Mother’s Day and it’s Mental Health Awareness Month. Coincidence?

Maybe, but there are many, many people who struggle with their mental health partly because of the relationship they had with a parent.

There are many others who struggle with Mother’s Day in particular because of the loss of their mom or their inability to become a mom.

What I’m trying to say is, for some people, Mother’s Day takes a toll on their mental health, including me.

So this year I decided to look at all the positive things I learned from my Mom and put them in a list ( I love lists.)

  1. I learned to be resilient. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary resilient means having the ability to recover easily from misfortune or change or capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation. Those who know my story know I’ve been through a lot of junk and I’m not permanently deformed because of it, I’ve been able to recover and have a wonderful family and life that I love.
  2. I learned how to be a mom. Growing up, I kind of made a mental list of what not to do as a parent. Once I became a mom, I used that list to be the best mom I could be. I’m sure I make mistakes, but I’m doing the best job I can at being a mom, based on what I learned from my mom of what not to do as a mom.
  3. I learned to show and tell my kids I love them. I may not be the most hugging mom in the world, but there are plenty of other ways for me to show and tell my kids I love them. For one thing, I do actually tell them that I love them. Then I’m there for them. I listen to them, encourage them, talk them through things, support them…so many ways to show live besides just giving hugs and pats on the back.
  4. I learned to take care of myself. I may not have been an excellent chef, but I learned to cook, clean, hold down a job, and take care of the bills all well enough that I’ve been able to be in my own since I was eighteen. Being able to take care of myself has expanded to being able to take care of my family as well.
  5. I learned to ask for help. I watched my mom struggle on her own for years, too proud to ever ask for help. That taught me to never be too proud to ask for help. I’ve sought help for my mental health through both medication and counseling. I’ve asked for help in my marriage and as a parent. I’ve had mentors at work. I go to a doctor and dentist regularly.This life is too hard to do alone, I need all the help I can get.

This holiday can be hard, but today I chose to look at just a few of then positive things my mom taught me. It helped.

The best part of the day though, that I know not everyone has, are my two kids who made me a Mom and allow me to celebrate Mother’s Day from a different perspective.

They hate pictures.