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I realized this past week that I don’t have any subscribers to my blog. The only way anybody knows that I have written a new post is through Facebook, and we all know that sometimes posts on there just get buried.

I have 200 plus Facebook friends and each week my blog is only seen by between 30-60 people and I would love more people to read it. I think that what I write about can help people, but not if they don’t read it.

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You Matter!

Chester Bennington, the lead singer for Linkin Park took his life yesterday. Hearing that shook me. I like Linkin Park songs because it seemed he knew what I felt and was surviving it and if he could survive so could I. Their song “Numb” was especially important to me.

Here are the lyrics:

I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
By becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can’t you see that you’re smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
‘Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
And every second I waste is more than I can take!

I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
By becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
By becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
I’m tired of being what you want me to be
I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
I’m tired of being what you want me to be

Written by Brad Delson, Chester Charles Bennington, Dave Farrell, Joseph Hahn, Mike Shinoda, Robert G. Bourdon • Copyright © Universal Music
Publishing Group
and the music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXYiU_JCYtU
When I listen to that song I always think of my relationship with my mom. I was never good enough for her as a kid, everything I did was wrong. I grew up and realized that I just had to be me and not do what other people expected me to. When I was comfortable with myself, people would accept me.
I thought that was what the song meant to. I thought he had it figured out. I thought he had traveled through the darkness and come through it.
What I have also learned in this life is that once you’ve traveled through the darkness you never really leave it behind. It is always there threatening to consume you again at any moment.
If you have traveled the darkness before, or are in the darkness now, know that you are not alone. Know that you matter. Know that the people around you will miss you terribly if you are no longer with us.
Know there is help available:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255