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Lessons Learned on a Family “Nerd” Vacation

A few months ago, my husband and I decided the kids were finally old enough for a trip to Washington DC, one of my favorite places to go. As a bonus we would take them to New York to see a Broadway show. (We saw School of Rock and it was incredible!)

My family calls my trips “nerd”vacations because we learn a lot and see historical places. However, when I asked them what places they wanted to see, they listed libraries, bookstores, and museums. I have raised “nerd” children and I couldn’t be happier.

I set to work doing what I do best, planning so that we could all see what we wanted. I reserved flights, hotels, rental apartments. I set up private sightseeing tours, and got tickets to museums and places like Colonial Williamsburg.

We were going to be gone for 11 days and I created an itinerary that would help us get the most out of those eleven days and hopefully not leave us too exhausted.

We spent months in training for all the walking we would do. We were up to 2 miles of walking a day at home, before we left.  We were ready for all the walking.

We watched the weather, it was going to be cold while we were there. We would arrive in NYC at the end of a nor’easter. I told everyone to pack layers and a jacket.  We were prepared for the weather.

We were looking forward to an amazing trip and it was amazing. I loved seeing new places in New York and showing my kids my favorite places in DC.

I also learned a lot on this trip about life in general and traveling with an anxious kid in particular.

1. Somebody will forget something, no matter how meticulously you pack.  When we arrived in New York and we’re waiting for our ride, my daughter commented on how cold it was. I told her to put her jacket on, to which she replied that it was in her bed at home. Lucky for her my jacket was two in one so I gave her one of mine.

2. Expect the unexpected. Two days into our trip, my son got sick. A headache and a cough; he was miserable. Because of this we didn’t get to do everything on the itinerary.

3. Be flexible The best laid plans may not always work out. The place may be closed, the kid might get sick or a myriad of other things might come up that force you to be flexible.

4. Relax Things happen, deal with it. Go with the flow. Choose to relax instead of freak out. (I know that’s easier said than done, but you will have so much more fun if you can do this.)

5. Be in the moment We had a lot planned and we could have always been thinking about what was next, but when we did that we missed some of what we were presently doing. I needed to constantly remind myself to enjoy what we were doing and be in the moment. When I did, I was able to relax and go with the flow much easier.

This is a long post. If you got this far, thank you! I learned a lot in our trip to bring back to my every day life that I wanted to share with you.

 

Breaking Up With Anxiety

In November, I felt as though my head was barely above water. I was overwhelmed with all that was going on in my head and found it difficult just to get through each day.

Since then, I have taken steps to try to break up with anxiety. Nothing too drastic at one time, but step by step.

I started by practicing yoga every morning and using relaxation techniques throughout the day when I began to feel overwhelmed.

Because I need sleep, my yoga routine only takes about 15-20 minutes in the morning before I go to work. It has made a tremendous difference in how I feel starting my day. I’m relaxed and focused on how my body feels and aware of changes in my posture or muscles that indicate raised anxiety levels.

During the day, because of the increased awareness in my body, I know when to take deep breaths to calm down. I can also go through different muscle groups and make sure I’m relaxed. Then I can focus on the task at hand rather than trying to do it all at once and failing miserably.

Now that those tools have become second nature, I have spent the past two months slowly cutting out junk food. I started by cutting out fast food, then slowly limiting the amount of processed foods we eat at home. I will never be able to get rid of all processed foods, but I try to get minimally processed food at home.

I didn’t really notice a huge change with the foods until this past week when, for the sake of time, I stopped at a fast food place for chicken strips and fries (one of my favorite choices). I felt horrible after eating it. My stomach hurt, my head hurt, and I felt like I had no energy. I also didn’t sleep so good that night.

I have also started walking or cycling most days. I have to do this outside, no gym for me, I need the fresh air. My son and I have both noticed how much better we feel exercising everyday and how tired we are on the days we skip the walk or ride.

I like this new, healthier lifestyle. My family likes our new healthier lifestyle. We’re going to continue to find ways to be healthier and make healthier choices when we do wind up at a restaurant. It’s not always easy, but it’s so worth it.

I have learned ways to keep anxiety away and not allow it to dragging me down. Even if I slip and fall, I will get up and do what I know I can to break up with anxiety and stress, because I know I can.

I will not quit being healthy.

I will always work towards becoming even healthier, both physically and mentally.

Parenting is Hard

Before I had kids, I never realized what a difficult job it would be.

I was going to have perfect children who never did anything wrong, who always followed directions the first time. They would always make the best decisions and look out for others. They would never have to deal with low self worth or a negative self image. They would be outgoing, friendly, and successful in anything they tried.

I was wrong!

Kids are born selfish. All they care about is getting fed, getting held, having a clean diaper. And they know how to let you know when they’re unhappy with anything.

I quickly realized that as a parent, I had a tough road ahead. It would be my responsibility to raise them, shape them and guide them into becoming decent human beings.

It would be my job to fix hurts and help them see the consequences of their choices. That’s easy when they’re little and the hurts are physical, but as hey get older the pain they experience becomes more emotional and my job gets harder.

I wish I could wrap their hearts in bubble wrap to keep them from ever experiencing anything bad, but if I did that, it would also keep them from experiencing anything good.

As painful as it is to see my kids hurt and as much as I want to shield them from that, I care how my kids turn out. I know that growing can be painful, remember growing pains during growth spurts?

Growing can be painful and that sucks for both the child experiencing it and the parent watching.

I love my kids more deeply and fiercely than I ever thought possible. Seeing them in pain, pains me.

I wish there was an instruction manual that said when this happens, do and say this to make it better. I’ve looked for this book and I still haven’t found it. (If you find a copy let me know.)

What I’m learning though, is that my kids need me. I my not always say and do the right things, but I’m there for them. They can talk to me and I will listen, hopefully without judgement. I will do my best to guide them through whatever situation they are in.

Parenting is hard, but I care how they turn out.

Parenting is also the most rewarding job I’ve ever had.

I love my kids!

Mr. Rogers said…

This week’s blog is late because I have had a difficult time comprehending the horror that happened this past week at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School.

I am a teacher and I got scared. My students were scared. My own children were scared. We all have questions about our own safety at a place where we spend a good portion of our daily lives.

How can we prevent this from happening at our school? At all schools?

What do we do if/when it happens to us?

Is this why schools have fences and gates now and feel like prisons?

Can teachers carry guns to protect the students?

Even though I’m the adult, I don’t know the answers to their questions, to my questions. It seems that we can’t prevent this from happening, because it keeps happening.

Four school shootings since the beginning of January. It leaves me questioning humanity.

How do people get to a point in their lives that killing people seems reasonable?

How do school shootings and the devastation they bring to a community and families turn into a fight about gun control instead of a discussion about helping people heal?

How are we so apathetic that we miss some of the warning signs?

How do we stop the carnage?

Then I see pictures like this…

and my faith in humanity is restored.

People loving people. Being there for each other with a comforting hug and a shoulder to cry on.

I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to stop mass killings. I kind of think that as long as there are broken people in this world, we won’t be able to.

That’s a hard thought to deal with, but as long as the helpers are there, I know that we can get through these tragedies.

This Is Me

I just saw The Greatest Showman, and I must say it was incredible. It definitely lived up to the hype for me.

One song struck me and I’m going to share it with you here:

 

Enjoy your weekend!

A Much Needed Hero

Let me start this post by stating that I am talking about specific people in this post related to the USA gymnastics scandal and a story from my own teenage years, please don’t assume I am talking about anyone other than those.

I have been watching the Larry Nassar case for the past few weeks, I thought everyone was. When I said something about it at work, not one person that I was talking to knew what I was talking about. It shocked me that more people weren’t concerned that a well-respected doctor had been allowed and enabled to molest girls for decades.

I said what I wanted to say in the work conversation and they moved on as if it wasn’t that big a deal, but it is.

This women’s lives were forever changed when that monster touched them. Then, as icing on the cake, the few who founs the courage to tell what happened to them weren’t believed.

When I was 15 years old, I was raped by my boyfriend. He pinned me down on a couch and forced himself on me.

Iwas humiliated, violated and devastated.

I didn’t tell.

Anyone.

I stayed with him. Out of fear. Out of embarrassment.

Because he stole my value, my worth.

I had been taught my whole life that as a female, my worth was tied into my virginity, and he stole that.

Months later, I broke down and confided in a friend who believed me and understood.  That gave me courage to eventually tell my mom. She told me that I needed to marry the guy since I’d had sex with him.

That messed me up and I talked to a school counselor, she had to report it to the police. The officer who took my statement told me that since I stayed with my abuser, they wouldn’t be forwarding the case for prosecution.

So many people let me down when I was raped, but I had a few heroes, a few people who gave me hope.

I will forever be grateful for those #HopeGivers who stood up in my life and became my hero.

In the Larry Nassar case, so many people let down these amazing women by not believing them, but finally, an incredible judge let them tell their story during the sentencing hearing through their impact statement.

Judge Rosemarie Aquilina gave almost 150 women, survivors, heroes, a voice.

It was incredible to watch as survivor after survivor read how their life had been impacted by Nassar.

I am thankful for all the heroes who listen and do something for victims, allowing them to regain, a piece of themselves that had been taken…

Their voice.

 

Family

I love my family!

It’s been a while since I posted, does that mean this is no longer a weekly blog? I’m back on track now, I promise a new blog every Friday (or maybe Saturday, depending on my kids’ schedules.)

The past few weeks have been a great time for my family. The week after New year’s we went camping for a week, both kids tried new things and enjoyed their experiences, while I was sick with a cold and spent most of the time sleeping and coughing.

Then we came back to reality and had to get into the groove of school and work again.

My son convinced me to audition for a play in December and I got a part. He’s on tech crew so it has been a blast rehearsing with him there to critique me.

Soccer has been slow for my daughter, but it’s been fun to watch her train.

I have been enjoying my life again. Everything doesn’t feel like a chore right now. I don’t feel as though my head is barely above water, I’m on the shore, hanging out with my family, having fun.

I wish I could feel like this all the time, unfortunately I don’t know how long it will last. Anxiety and depression are on a vacation right now. They can stay gone forever, in my opinion.

I love my family and I always want them to know that I have fun with and enjoy spending time with them. I want them to know that taking care of them isn’t a chore to me.

I will always tell them how much they mean to me and how happy I am with them.

I pray that anxiety and depression stay away and I can always feel this good about my family and everything else.

My family is awesome!

Habits to Take; Habits to Leave

It’s the time of year when people begin to contemplate their New Year’s resolutions.

“I’m going to lose weight.”

“I’m going to get organized.”

“I’m going to work out more.”

“I’m going to eat healthier.”

The possibilities are endless, unfortunately, the resolution aren’t. Most resolutions are abandoned  by the end of January and the gym regulars can get their parking spaces back and have uninterrupted time in their favorite machine, while the rest of is beat ourselves up for once again not following through.

Instead of making a great big New Year’s resolutions, what if we just decide to take some of our good habits into the next year with us and leave some of the bad ones behind?

“My family eats dinner together most nights of the week.” Let’s take that habit into the new year.

“I eat fast food at least 4 nights a week.” Let’s leave that one behind.

“I go for a walk/do yoga/run/ go to the gym a few days a week.” Let’s hang on to that habit.

“I sit on the couch and binge watch TV/play video games/ surf YouTube etc.  in my free time.” Let’s leave that one behind.

Look back and evaluate your life, what are the good things you already do? Start there. Take those habits with you and improve on them.

“I walk 3 days a week.” Why not make it 4 days?

See things in your life that you don’t like? Sometimes it’s hard to leave a habit behind cold turkey, but it’s easy in baby steps.

“I eat fast food 4 days a week.” Can you cut that down to 2 days?

Change is good, but it’s also hard. It seems that resolutions are drastic overhauls of our lives and that’s hard to do.

Before you make a drastic resolution, evaluate what habits you have that you want to take with you into 2018 and which ones you want to leave behind. We all have good habits to take and bad habits to leave behind.

Some keys to successfully taking some habits and leaving others behind are:

1. Make a plan for your resolution and stick to it as best as you can, but don’t beat yourself up if you mess up from time to time; nobody’s perfect. Change the plan when necessary.

2. Make it measurable. “I will eat a real fruit and a real vegetable every day” is much easier to track than “I will eat healthy.”

3. Make it attainable/realistic. You will not be able to safely or healthily run a marathon in 3 weeks time. (Unless you have already been training for it.) Probably not even a half marathon in that time.

4. Know why you are doing what you’ve chosen to do; your why is your  motivation.

5. Have fun. Figure out how to make the habit fun and you’re more likely to stick with it.

These should be easy to do once you know what habits​ to take and which ones to leave.

Have fun, be safe and make good choices this New Year’s weekend!

 

 

I Survived!

I survived the holiday season!!!! The holiday season can be a stress and anxiety inducing time of year for many people. I am one of those.

Most years, at best, I end up in tears one or two times. At worst, I wind up with a full blown bout of anxiety complete with panic attacks, thinking everyone hates me and that I’m not good enough and nothing I do will ever be good enough.

This year though I had a plan. I shared it with you on December 2, in a post titled, “Relieve Holiday Stress.” To remind you what it was there were 5 things we can do to relieve Holiday Stress: don’t do it all, indulge without​ guilt, give useful, practical gifts, plan downtime and remember the reason for the season.

That plan has helped me this season. I’ll have to remember it again next year.

For me the most important reminder is the reason for the season, which is to celebrate Jesus’ birth and spend time with family.

It’s easy for me to remember that it’s all about Jesus. Being a Christian is a huge part of my life.

I realized though that when I stress and experience anxiety, I’m not there for my kids. And what do they really want? Do they want all the gifts that they’ll use for a few weeks at best, before they lie forgotten in the back of a closet or under the bed? Or do they want memories with family over meals shared together, shopping for others together, special holiday outings and good, old-fashioned quality family time?

I have enjoyed the quality time with them.

Christmas is in two days, and I survived!

Teach Kids to NOT Bully

Recently there was a viral video of a young boy who was upset after being bullied. It was heart wrenching to listen to this intelligent young man cry into the camera and wonder why people are bullies. Wonder why people can’t just appreciate others for who they are.

The website, stopbullying.com, states that 49% of students in grades 4-12 report being bullied in the month before the study was done. They go on to report that according to the study 30.8% reported bullying others during that same time period.

That’s half of our students, being bullied by one-third of our students while the other twenty percent watch in silent complicity or ignorance.

This week, I once again, listened to my son, relay a story of bullying that he endured by one of his classmates, a boy that has joined us in celebrating my son’s birthday in the past. A boy my son once considered a friend.

I have taught my kids to be sure of themselves and to exude confidence so that they don’t become the target of bullies.

Yet here we are, having the conversation again about how to get over being bullied. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve had to have this same conversation with them. It gets old.

I taught my kids to not be bullies, why can’t other parents do the same?

Most schools try to teach anti-bullying lessons, but it’s just one more item added to a never ending list of curriculum and life skills that teachers are expected to magically implant into every student’s brain and life.

Then they go home. We have no idea what the home lives of students are. Maybe they see parents, guardians or other caregivers with an imbalance of power in the relationship. Maybe, their caregivers bully them into compliance verbally or physically. Maybe the student feels powerless, worthless and hopeless at home and wants to feel powerful when they can.

When that is what is lived at home it takes a while lot more than a few minutes of lessons to change that behavior. It will take serious effort to change the negative impact that has on their life.

No matter what the effort is though, we as teachers, parents and society need to try to stop the prevalence of bullying. It extends beyond the school to the workplace, politics and society as a whole.

Bullying must be stopped and education in appropriate behavior is the key.

Let’s teach people how to not be bullies.