Tell Your Story

Have you ever loved somebody so much it hurts?

Have you ever loved someone who didn’t know how to love you back without causing you pain?

Have you ever had to end a relationship to save yourself?

Once upon a time I was a broken little girl.

My parents did the best they could while they dealt with their own mental health issues, but I had a terrible childhood. I often wondered if I was going to have dinner at night. I never knew if I was going to be yelled at or “beat with the stick” for whatever I did that my dad didn’t approve of, which seemed to change from day to day.

No matter how much they hurt me, no matter how much I lived on egg shells, no matter how much they belittled me and made me earn their love; they told me they loved me. They told me it was for my good. They told me it was to teach me a lesson.

What I got out of all of it was that love and pain went together. I learned that those who love you also hurt you. That set me up for some messed up relationships in my life. Significant others that told me they loved me, but treated me as though I didn’t matter at all.

I believed I didn’t matter. I believed it was my job to keep them happy. I believed my happiness needed to take a back seat to everyone else. I was a nothing, and I was treated as second place to everything else in my significant others’ life.

Many people ask why I stayed with them. Heck, I was married to one for five years! One reason is that when you learn that you are nothing, that you don’t matter, that it’s your job to keep others happy and put yourself last, that those who love you also hurt you, then the way they treated me was completely normal to me.

When I finally realized my worth; when I finally realized that my happiness mattered; when I finally realized that I mattered and I began to expect and ask people to treat me better. I asked them to speak to me with respect. I asked them to be my partner instead of my superior. I asked them to pull their weight in the relationship and not leave all the work up to me.

Guess what happened!

I was called names. I was told I was being emotional. I was told I was starting fights. I was told I was yelling. I was told that I was being too much.

What I learned was that I did nothing wrong by asking to be treated right.